closure–i want it.
but it looks like i’m the only one around to give it to myself now. and i’m trying, i am. and there are still daydreams about old curtains and leaves and breaking two pieces off a bar of chocolate. and there are realities like realizing everyman else looks unattractive from all angles no matter how hard i try not to criticize. boys, maybe make your hair smell nice and hold a puppy or a kitten? it helps (though, not much in my case) because it makes you seem clean and sympathetic toward other creatures on the earth. if you’re clean, some female might want to put her body on your body. for your information.
so, it has to all be written out. not all at once, or maybe all at once. because sometimes after taking a shower, certain songs come on your spotify radio stations to taunt you and you have to stop switch to emily haines singing about now-dead-guys in las vegas. because you’re afraid of friends/professors from college hearing about this non-noise and for what? they wouldn’t do anything besides maybe laugh over big coffee / big scarves / big notebooks.
if you can’t say it out loud, write it out.