by cjra

i went on a date today and it was good. it was strange getting there–the nauseating smells of perfumed teenagers on the train, the cold sharp air, everything had this weird gray haziness. i met him at the bookstore and before i did there were lots of butterflies. it’s weird revealing yourself to someone you’ve never met and really hoping they like you. like, hi, do you think i’m attractive? you’re shorter than i thought you’d be and i like your fluffy hair and eye color(s).

basically, i just felt awkward the whole time. but i guess that’s life for a shy girl who’s only been on two “dates” with a boy she had an unhealthy and prolonged infatuation with. so, i had a taste of reality and i was even telling him “it’s about time.” and we talked about school and work, and looked and laughed over sex guides in the humor section. then we went to a really meh sushi place and played video games at the arcade. i felt like running away, too, and didn’t want to seem rushed. he didn’t invite me back to his place, but i got an awkward side hug out of it although i wanted more. but how do you even ask for things like that?

to top it all off, i missed my train back home while saying goodbye. luckily the next one was just behind, and in this continued weirdness i just enjoyed myself, sitting there believing i could do things without telling anyone where exactly i would be going. and who knows if i’ll ever see this person again–any way, it’ll be alright.