running or something.

by cjra

lately, i’ve been trying to go on more evening runs. i bought black and pink nikes that fit just snugly, and i always wear the same striped top and blue shorts. although i sometimes i feel my skin is reflective enough when passing car headlights shine on my legs. mostly, i prefer to be alone with the wind and nothing but roughly 30 minute route on my mind. there’s nothing else but the road in front of me–is that a cat? there’s those people with their dogs again. i like it because hardly anyone is out. usually the train rumbles, and i can spy a small airplane against the purple sky.

i guess the reason i started running is because i want to feel better. maybe just better about the things i can do–if i can add this one thing into my life that makes me get up and move, than that will be an accomplishment. it’s great to get in shape and become a little stronger, but i guess the other reason, the biggest one is for my mental health. i mean, running won’t permanently solve anything, but it makes me feel this good collapsing kind of soreness afterward. and you can get into this kind of rhythm. my cousin taught me that sprinting is not what you do, but act like you’re almost walk-bouncing. and you can go and go without stopping–listen to your body and its balances. it forces you to know your self, the way you move and what hurts. then when you get home, you can breathe, drink a giant glass of water, strip the grossness from your skin into a softer t-shirt. maybe sleep more deeply, which i have always struggled with in life.

i would only recommend it to someone if they think it might make them happy. sometimes i look at the hot girls running in the sunshine with their goldybrown tans and i’m just–that’s not me. i’m a nearly transparent creature of the night. that could be you and there’s nothing wrong with being that. my cousins who did cross-country until their legs became a stress-fractured mess used to tell me “your life could have been so different!” if i had just done track in high school when the coach noticed how fast i could sprint. but you know what, i’m alright with my choice. it’s better to make that choice to move when the time is right.

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